Call to Staff

A priest once said to me, “Imagine we are bread – we all enjoy being formed and molded. The problem is that no one likes to be baked, enabling them to be bread for others.

I’ve had the privilege to respond to a great grace in my life, what I like to call a second chance. In spring 2010, I had planned my perfect summer. Money was really important as the government had not given me enough in my second semester to even afford my rent. My hope was to keep my apartment over the summer so I could get back into university soccer and music composition. I had switched my studies around and I was preparing a portfolio for a new program. With a new job, all my plans were finally possible. I had accomplished much but somehow did not find myself happy.

Realization began to set in – I was on the run from God. Before university, God had clearly begun to place a call in my life – lay ministry. I absorbed every opportunity like a sponge: Mission in Haiti, World Youth Day Toronto, and attendance at John Paul II Bible School all within the first year of conversion. The pace did not slow down, while being formed I realized a subtle reluctance growing in me. The cost of sharing faith and living a devout life was not appealing to me. There were multiple requests and good offers to take all kinds of ministry positions everywhere I went. It was as though I was being offered a full ride scholarship in the Lord, but did not want to take it. My heart became closed and my Yes to God turned into a No.

Then I lost my new job. I could not afford to stay in Lethbridge and had to go home to Calgary. This opened a new door for me – Impact Calgary, a summer mission project put on by Catholic Christian Outreach. Like Saul being struck off his horse and realizing he was offending God (Acts 9:1-6), I thought perhaps everything is falling apart in my life for a reason. Considering Impact infused new life back into me. Hope was on the rise. Some how I applied, fundraised and moved ten days before the mission began. After being so stubborn and refusing God for so long, I was ashamed that I would be blessed to find not only happiness but mercy. My heart was embracing a purpose driven life.

While on mission I encountered an unexpected meeting with Andre Regnier (founder of CCO). During this encounter I was challenged. Andre asserted, ‘you are like a child, not wanting to sit down at the table, but enjoying running around and playing. And you know what you need? You need the Father to tell you to sit down at the table. The child may hate it, but the child benefits from it.” The truth can hurt and it did, but I had to stop running. So I began to consider what it would mean to sit at the table of CCO. I needed to stop running around like Martha and sit still like Mary (Luke 10:41-42). I knew I would never be the same again – a missionary! These words convicted my heart, “your life is no longer your own, but hidden with Christ in God” (Col3:3). Finding myself accepted to Staff I knew that the next three years were not going to be about just what I wanted, but about others. Through this commitment to obedience I know I am coming to know the heart of my heavenly Father.

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