I had just gotten back from doing NET in Ireland and was leaving in a week to go to Holland for a mission trip when I decided to head to a night of Eucharistic Adoration at one of the local parishes. While there I ran into a good friend of mine who worked for CCO. The night was just about to start but before we headed into the church he said that he wanted to talk to me about my plans for the fall. My immediate thought was “He’s going to ask me to consider applying for CCO staff.” Of course I knew what my answer was going to be – no way.
After graduating from high school I was very privileged to participate in a number of different mission projects. I went to WYD in Germany where I was part of the International Liturgical Group, I served two years with NET Ministries (National Evangelization Team) going to Ottawa to work in a parish and going to Ireland for ten months to run retreats for high school students. I also spent three weeks in Holland doing street evangelization. Each of these experiences was absolutely amazing and I was able to see God do some incredible things! Each of these missions also came with a certain amount of fundraising that needed to be done. I found that part so hard!
As I sat in adoration that night I told God that since I was done fundraising for my mission trip to Holland that I was done raising money forever. I was never going to ask anyone to support me ever again. As I was so adamantly telling God what I would and would not do, I felt him speak gently “But Amy do you know what my will is for your life?” I quickly and absently responded “No, but I want to do your will Lord.”Again, “Amy do you know what my will is for you?” Again I quickly responded, “No but I want to do your will more than anything.” A third time I felt the Lord say, “But Amy do you know what my will is for you?” I finally understood that this was a serious question! And so with all my heart I responded, “No, but really, whatever it is Lord I want to do your will.” I then felt him say, “My will is hard, it involves sacrifice, and it involves always having to raise money. But most of all my will is an abundance of love.” This was something I did not want to hear and headed out of the church to chat with my friend about the following year. Funnily enough he didn’t say anything about working for CCO and I was actually a bit disappointed that he hadn’t. Weird hey?
However, the following Sunday I ran into him again at mass and after mass we started talking. This time he did challenge me to consider applying for staff. He shared the need CCO had for missionaries. He also affirmed the work I had done with other missions sharing how the things I had learned were very important and how I could use them as a campus missionary. My verbal response was “No way!” but inside my heart things were beginning to change. When I got home I sat down on the couch and thought about why I had responded the way I did and the only real reason was that I was scared of what other people would think if once again I asked for their financial support for something to do with faith. I phoned my parents to share about my conversation with my friend sharing about my fears and ending with, “I think God might be calling me to join CCO staff.” Their response was, “We think that God is too and if He is, He’ll provide.”