At the beginning of this summer, I had a really tough time. Every day I could hear someone saying: “Li, no one loves you…” And all the bad memories of my life came to me. I cried to put myself to sleep every day and I started to doubt: “God, where are you? If you are there, why don’t you talk to me?”
I talked to friends. They were really helpful and tried so hard to tell me that God loved me, but I just couldn’t listen to anyone. I spent a lot of time wondering what God wanted me to do. Then I realized he wanted me to grow a better relationship with him.
During the school year, I stay involved in the CCO group a lot, and it really helps me to grow my faith. However, I realized that I can’t depend on only the community for my faith life; I need to be able to communicate with God by myself. So, I decided to isolate myself for a while until I could live with God – only with God.
At that time, I was living by myself and I had just started working at a new job; I didn’t know anyone. It was a good opportunity for me to fast, not from food, but from people. I’m a person who loves the company of friends. But when there are no friends around, can I live only with God and still enjoy my life? It wasn’t easy, but when I only had Him, God gave me joy and peace. Now all the bad memories are gone. I feel so free.
I should say that now, this summer, has become a time that I’ve realized God wants me to love Him more. And I’m still learning how to love Him. I’m more determined to put him in the center of life. I appreciate the tough times I’ve had, because every tough time helps me to grow. When you have trouble in your relationship with God, please do not lose faith, because God has his reasons.
By Li Xialong